Private Texts to Public People
For delivery on the Human Internet: if you know any of these people in real life, tell ‘em I said it.
🗣️ Steven Colbert: T***p and isPotato are pound for pound the two best jokes of all time. I laugh every single time. 2 jokes in just 13 letters is absolutely amazing. Absolutely amazing needs more letters than that.
🗣️ Christopher Nolan: The writing in Oppenheimer was “aphorism-level efficient”—I can’t imagine saying so much with so few words. Your movies haunt me more than scary movies.
🗣️ Steven Spielberg: Movies have such a good “Return on Attention” because they are the most expensive stories ever told. And most of your stories are half of the best stories. 🙏
🗣️ Jeff Probst: Survivor is Life, Jeff. Not fire.
🗣️ Melvin Vopson: In 50 years, you’ll be as famous as Einstein. Your mass-energy-information equivalence principle is the most important thing to happen in physics since E=MC^2. ⚛️
🗣️ BJ Novak: I love Vengeance. I make all my house guests watch it, just so I can watch it again. I wish I wrote that movie.
🗣️ @littlechineseeverywhere: My wife and I went everywhere with you.
🗣️ Baby Boomers: You guys campaigned for peace and love while your parents ran the country. But during your time running the country, all we got was war and debt. The stats don’t lie. 📈
🗣️ Luis Elizondo: You are a true American hero. 🫡
🗣️ Travis: Sing, Side, Moving, Pipe Dreams, Turn, Writing to Reach You, A Ghost, and My Eyes are some of the most played songs on my Spotify. 🙏
🗣️ Bill Burr: We must have similar inner monologues. 🤣
🗣️ nassimtaleb:
🗣️ Jesse Michaels: The $50k you offered for proof of the Biefield-Brown effect is gangster bro. American defense contractors are definitely hoarding intel that dramatically transform the living conditions for all of humanity. 💯 One day, when my grandkids are riding in flying cars that don’t even need batteries, they’ll know you were on the front lines knocking down those walls. 👊
@richpeople: can a few of you add a couple hundred thousand to Jesse’s offer?
🗣️ Hal Puthoff: I also live in Austin. I would love to buy you coffee or dinner any time, any where. I’ve read what you published and have so many questions about remote viewing, aliens, and quantum effects.
🗣️ Sal Khan: People will still be learning from you a hundred years from now. Maybe a thousand. You upskilled our whole species. 🙏
🗣️ P!nk: You make me wanna be a girl, just so I can have girl power. I listen to your songs with my girls all the time.
🗣️ Alex Guarnaschelli: My daughter, Anna, and I love all the Iron Chefs, but you are our favorite. We’ve watched you cook everything.
🗣️ Dan Ariely: I wish I could make science as easy to understand as you do.
🗣️ @MrBeast: Wow bro, you engineered the greatest “attention pyramid scheme” of all time. You are the GOAT of attention hacking. 🫡
🗣️ Taylor Sheridan: “Lighting with the Yellow Hair” may be the greatest fictional character of all time. Brava. The writing in her narration is as timeless as Shakespeare. For real.
🗣️ Dr. Douglas Petrovich: I’ve watched hours and hours of your videos. I wish churches would play your lectures on the Hebrew language, Jacob, Joseph, Ephraim, and Manasseh to their congregations on Sundays. I’d love to geek out over ancient Middle Eastern history with you at the Oriental Institute.
🗣️ Jimmy Fallon: Based on the total views per day across all your channels, you probably produce more smiles per day than anyone who ever lived. 😁 There aren’t many people who can give that much. Thanks man, our world needs it.
🗣️ Andy Stanley: In my new book Uncertainty, I wrote, “If I could influence you to make two changes to your life from reading this book, it would be to listen to the Bible at night and watch Andy Stanley on YouTube once each week.” My family has been watching you for 20 years because are the best explainer of the Bible that I have found on the Internet. 🙏
🗣️ Jack Weatherford: The History of Money and Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World should be required reading in high schools. They are superb.
🗣️ Jared Diamond: Guns, Germs, and Steel is a masterpiece. You managed to bottle all of human history.
🗣️ Roger Penrose: Thank you for being so smart. Orch OR Theory is probably the most important breakthrough in neuroscience ever. A hundred years from now, kids will learn about the quantum superradiance in their brains in grade school.
🗣️ @expeditionbible: I absolutely love your channel. Your passion is infectious.
🗣️ Erik Dalton: I wish Western Medicine cared about what you are doing. I wish they cared about fascia, period.
🗣️ @wildernesscooking: Su-pair 👍
🗣️ richpeoplewithlavishyachts: I’m the most entertaining dinner guest you are ever gonna have on your boat. Try me.
🗣️ Sir David Attenborough: Thank you for trying to save our planet, but people don’t listen. Now we have 5 thousand snow leopards and 74 billion Cornish Cross chickens. 🤑
🗣️ Jeff Bezos: The technological deflation you forced on the global economy is unprecedented in the history of the world by several different measures. The life of everyone who lives after you will be indirectly improved by you. Your total net worth divided by the total number of Amazon users is $450, and ALL OF US got a good deal on that trade.
🗣️ First Female President: Just think about how much better our country would be if we had gender quotas in Congress. If 50% of Congress were women, we wouldn’t spend $900 billion dollars per year on war while we still have citizens sleeping under bridges. I’ve been in too many budget negotiations with men, so now I #votegirl regardless of political party.
🗣️ Dave Chappelle: You are the king of the American chapel right now. Don’t let up, we need it. Even the tiki-torch whites laugh with you. 💪🏾
🗣️ Brene Brown: I nominate you as “America’s mom”. Can we train an AI to be you and have Apple replace Siri with you on our phones? I would love to ask you questions every day.
🗣️ Azeem Azhar: I finally took your advice from that dinner we cohosted at SXSW. I documented 15,000 hours of scientific research into life, the universe, and Everything. It cost me millions and I gave it away for free because of you what you said.
🗣️ Dr. Steven Greer: It’s incredible what you have accomplished with just volunteers and donations. I believe everything you’re saying, but even if only 10% of it was true, it would still be the biggest story of everyone’s lifetimes.
🗣️ Walter Isaacson: Benjamin Franklin is one of my all time heroes and you wrote the best book on him. I’m planning a future summer in Oregon, Michigan, or Vermont with no cell service—just so I can read five more of your books.
🗣️ James Nestor: I recommend Breath to people as much as any other book. When I started reading it, I couldn’t believe that someone could write an entire book about breathing. By the time I finished, I couldn’t believe how ignorant I was.
🗣️ Jordan Peterson: 12 Rules for Life should be required reading in high school. All my kids have listened to you read it. 🦞
🗣️ Annie Duke: Our whole family uses the verb resulting now. Whenever I want to recommend behavioral economics books to concrete people, I suggest Thinking in Bets.
@reader: If you imagined “concrete people” as people made out of concrete, then you are concrete. 😁
🗣️ Thomas Piketty: r > g is probably the most important formula that every government is ignoring. Especially America.
🗣️ Lorne Michaels: It is really fun to watch the monkeys at the zoo. Based on all the television series, specials, and movies that you have produced, has anyone ever harvested more total seconds of human attention than you? Your “Return on Attention” is way better than all the products produced by Zuckerberg.
🗣️ Dr. Kurt Wise: I wish I could download your brain into mine.
🗣️ Jason Isbell: A lot of your songs feel like they are telling my story. And I think you make a lot of people feel that way.
🗣️ Kelly Clarkson: You may be the least fake person that every single person on Earth would get along with: from 4-year-olds to 100-year-olds, from white people to black people, from east people to west people, from redneck people to urban people, from girls to guys, and everything in between. I think you could be every single person’s best friend.
🗣️ Simon Cowell: Your golden buzzers make me cry. I can’t get enough.
🗣️ Hayes Carll: I’ve partied harder than most people ever will in this lifetime and the sunrises I watched with you were some of the best nights of my life. 🌅
🗣️ Elon Musk: You have already conquered 4 out of the 5 Domains of War identified by the US Armed Services: Space, Air, Land, and Cyber. To conquer the Sea, maybe you could run a freshwater pipeline to the top of the Colorado River? Eventually energy will be cheap enough to turn Arizona green. 🌾
HUGE THANKS 🙏
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